Martha Monday: Next Time I’d be Tougher

Have you ever been asked what you would do differently if you could live your life over again? It’s something we like to ponder, even if only to reassure ourselves that we made the right choices. People generally feel that they would live their life the same way.

There are probably exceptions. With the benefit of hindsight, quite a few prison inmates might do things differently: either stick to the straight and narrow or figure out a way to avoid being caught. As for the rest of us, there may be regrets for opportunities missed, but for the most part I think it is only minor things we would change.

I would certainly want to marry the same man. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have the same children, and that wouldn’t do at all. I’ve become quite fond of them. I would be firmer though. I would have made them pick up their toys when they were little so I wouldn’t have to use a rake to get all the debris out from under their beds when they were teenagers. I shouldn’t have been doing that anyway. They should have done their own raking.

Above all, I would never be a martyr. It’s easy for mothers to fall into the martyr trap, to suffer in silence, thinking: “If they really cared about me they would be more considerate.” I would not wash dishes when it was someone else’s turn to wash, while seething with resentment inside. I would simply let them pile up. When there were no clean dishes left, they’d get the message.

Another stupid thing I used to do was fill the freezer if I had to be away for a few days. All the casseroles and other hearty meals I’d lovingly prepared for my teenaged sons were still there when I returned. They hadn’t even opened the freezer; they just sent out for pizzas or picked up fried chicken.

I’d be less obliging, too, when asked to serve on yet another executive or committee. It’s always the same people who are willing to donate their time. Enough is enough–let someone else take a turn. Yes, I’d be a lot tougher if I could live my life over again.

~ Notes from Over the Hill, pages 12-13

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Martha Mondays are a weekly feature at the Siretona blog. Siretona Creative is a publishing and production company that empowers women in the arts to build community among generations and nations. Martha’s book was one of our first major projects: a collection of Martha’s articles that “offer a dose of humour and insights to ease doubts as the golden years approach” (Dr. Lynda Haverstock). Sounds pretty intergenerational to us. So we crafted it carefully, including a specially commissioned and researched typeface that would both beautiful and easy to read.

For more information about Martha’s book, visit www.marthamorgan.ca.

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